LONDON TOWN

Well here we were in old London town. To say England is a bit different is probably the best way of saying it. The first thing you notice, it's cold. Not bloody cold, but cold (if that makes sense). But after about ten minutes it becomes bloody cold. And this is the beginning of summer?. The first thing I saw that told me I was in the land of the pommie, was a taxi. These look like the taxi's you see in the movies. And then I saw it... The TARDIS. That's right it was just like the one in Doctor Who. But first things first, we had to find a place to stay for the night. So we looked up a hotel that was in the 'Lonely planet guidebook'. It was pretty cheap for London, it was 32 pounds for a night (for both, Thank God). Bloody expansive if you ask me but for London it was cheap i think?. It was called Leinster Inn. We left the airport on the bus and went to bayswater which is near Nothin' hill (like in the movie, cool) It took us about an hour to find the mogul place, but when we went upstairs to our room, I knew this was one of those moments you can only dream off. You know when you do something bad in life, and you know one day you'll pay for it. Well I think that day we could safety call 'ARMAGEDDON'. After climbing up four fucking flights of stairs, in a stairway that was only big enough for one person to walk up, we get to our floor 'the penthouse' (so to speak). Then preceded to walk across, up, down, along a small corridor to we got to our room. Then opened the door to our penthouse suite. Let's just say it was different. Actually I loved it, It was like having the whole township of Coolgardie in one hotel. What a shithole!!. Before going out Tania had a shower and came back complaining of the water going cold. So I thought I'd have to have a cold shower in London, bloody great. I went on the journey to the bathroom... up, down, along, threw a corridor, around and across and experienced one of the most amazing bathrooms I had ever layed eyes on. Compared to this, my cockroached infested bathroom at mayfield was Buckingham bloody Palace!!. MyGod!!, But I thought 'here go's nothin' as I turned on the shower, a spray shotstraight out and nearly fuckin' knocked out my bloody eye. Then as the pain shot threw my face, there was nothin' else??. where's the water? your guess is as good as mine. It just disappeared, not even a bloody dripple... well I'd be.... so I went back to our room, Tania saw my face and said 'The waters cold hay? all my frozen lips could manage was 'what water'!!.
So with a dryed face and smelly armpits, I was ready to face Old London. So we brought a couple of tickets on 'THE BIG BUS' it has three routes you could go on in 24 hours, so off we went for a trip around London. We sat up on the top deck that did'nt have a roof so within a couple of miles Tania turned into an iceypole 'so much for tough english skin'. We drove all over London, Notting hill, Kensington, Westminster, Bloomsbury, all over the place. Without doubt London is just unbelievable. Ive seen nothing like it before, We saw a live Bobbie with their funny hats. We saw St Paul's it's bloody huge, Then we jumped on a boat trip down the River Thames. That took us past London bridge, then past the Tower bridge, very impressive and then past Big Ben. Then we walked around Trafalgar Square THE HEART OF THE CITY, and saw Nelson's column (bloody big mate). Talk about fat pigeons!! When you stand in the Square it's just unbelievable- People everywhere 'where to next' I ask the misses, we were looking at St Martins in the field church,National Gallery, Admiralty arch, South Africa house, Canada house, and Cathedrals everywhere.... and she said "McDonald's' (a sheilah after me own heart). So off we went for a burger n' chips. But we did get to see heaps of London. We saw Westminster Abbey, St James Park we even caught a London taxi (cool). We had a look at Piccadilly Circus, we then went and had a look at the Tower of London. Which I will admit that I was expecting a bloody big tower but it's actually a Castle. Why did'nt thay just call it the London Castle??. We got to see a real live Beefeater!! (cool) we spent a fair bit of time having a gander at the Castle, we even got to see the Queens Jewel's (so to speak). Then it was that time of day to hit the pubs. And so we had a drink in a pub called 'THE PRINCE EDWARD' and had my very first pommie PINT!!. Closely fowered by the second and third. Not bad considing they serve them out of a microwave!!!But I think I can get use to them, so five pints latter I'd made up our mind I could get the taste of it.
So of we went back to our castle, Leinster bloody Inn. For a nights kip (so much for jetlag). The next day we saw Kensington Palace, Tania got a photo with a fairdinkum Bobbie. Then a walk threw Kensington Gardens. That's when we decided that our accommodation just was'nt up to our high standard (this from a couple who lived on the bloody nullabore). So we caught a bus up to LEEDS, then another one to OTLEY. The moment of truth had come. In my short life I had staired Death in the face as a BBQ plate fell on me (thanks vicki). I had seen my life flash in frount of my eyes (1000 pubs) when I bungie jumped in Queensland. I had taken my life in my hands when I looked in my rearvision mirror and saw nothin', only to drive my beloved GREENTHING into the path of a bloody big truck (thanks mirror). But NEVER had I ever experienced the most dauntin' moment that was in frount of me now. THE EVEREST of my scareie moments in life was just about to hit it's high!!! I was to meet the INLAWS!!!. God have mercy on me.... nnnnnnooooooooooo.